Saying yes when you mean no, is that you? Are you a people pleaser?

I know I am but less so than before. As a Coach I help my clients dig deep and at the same time I reflect on my own conduct, and behaviour.

We often say yes when we mean no, why?

We do not want to disappoint others.

We want to be loved.

We want to belong.

We want to please others and not be criticised.

If we say yes even though deep inside, we mean no, we become a drift like a piece of wood going in whatever direction the world takes us.

We want to have an input in the direction of travel, and we can if we listen to our inner voice.

Don’t stop caring for others but caring about what you want is just as important.

There are often physical and biological signs in our bodies when we become addicted to this, like stress, fatigue, or a feeling of being under the weather all the time.  I know from personal experience, the body talks, and tells us when there is an inner dis- ease. We carry the tension within our bodies, and hearts and so being a people pleaser comes at an expense to us.

How we show up as leaders now is impacted by the blueprint of our childhood. There could be unresolved emotions which may get in the way of being an effective leader.

The next time someone invites you to a party and you say yes even though you mean no, be honest with yourself. Say thank you, not this time. No explanation is needed.

If you resist giving someone a task to do because it is easier for you to do it perfectly, be honest. It is your responsibility to empower others and to use your time on tasks only you can do.

We don’t need to say yes when we mean no to belong or to be liked. People will either like us or not, the most important thing is to like, and respect ourselves first. 

© DMP

17th November 2023